Becoming Coach: Selling Coaching

You don’t really sell coaching.
The less you bring of “you” in the coaching session, the more potent it can become.

I often do my coaching sessions while walking or sitting in the park. Side nerd note… Iphone has the new voice isolation features that will isolate your voice and remove all the noise to who you are speaking with, so the entire world can be your office.

I was sitting on a park bench and had a session with a potential client. We had set aside 2 hours as an initial coaching session. I didn’t know if I could help him, and so we began as I usually do when I’m “life coaching,” zooming completely out of the current “pain” and getting to know who this person was on the other side of the phone.

As I walked the park and he told me of his specific retirement plans, to get a house in the woods far from the tumult and overwhelm of society. He told me where the home in the woods would be located, how it would be completely off grid. And he explained the dream he had of finally having a place where he could be at peace from the chaos and overwhelm of life and taking care of other people.

As we walked through is ultimate life goals and plans, it occured to him that the “house in the woods” was a complete mirror of what was happening in his own internal world.

I had no idea if I could help or say anything that could assist this man to pursue his dream life.
After 90 minutes the entire story, and his feelings, and his ambitions were all “on the table” now so to speak. He had been mirrored back the entire situation and he was seeing it as if for the first time “outside of his head.”

He had even been saving up hundreds of thousands of dollars in order to start the building process a couple years.

I remember asking him to be in the home, and if he thought the phone would ever ring, or if he would have a phone.

Then there was a silence.

The silence lasted for about 5 long silent minutes on the phone.

The silence was about as thick as cooking dough, and it was apparent that something was happening on the other side of the phone.

I got goosebumps, and I knew another miracle was occurring.

This brave man then said, that he realized the “house in the woods” was an escape fantasy that he had created in his head. He realized that after the initial honeymoon in his safe haven, life would go on, people he cared about would still exist and draw his empathy and actions to them.

He explained this to me, and to himself for the first time… slowly… and with long birthlike pauses.

I then asked him, if he thought he still wanted to get the house in the woods.

He said no.

Decades of planning and dreaming… and then one conversation and his courage to look deeply at what and why he wanted things in his life, changed everything.

And then we both sat there, and let his new reality and understanding settle in and wash over his entire outlook in life.

I had the privelege to continue coaching this man.

I learned along side of him, as we both held the space for him to honestly look at his heart and his mind.

His insights were also gifts to me, as they served as a mirror for the many ways I’ve tried to build an outer reality to protect my inner reality.

My need to be big, strong, wealthy, scented… etc…

These types of calls are common experiences for any 2 people that hold a compassionate space for eachother.

What’s funny is that if I had taught him, or jumped in helping him pursue his initial stated goal, or brought more of myself and my “knowledge” into that space, there wouldn’t have been room for his insight to birth.

This is really the only way I know how to “sell coaching.”

To show up not knowing if I can help.
To show up and let the entire session be about the client.

Of the hundreds of clients that I’ve “life coached” none of them ever said they were looking to hire a life coach, and they had no intention of finding one the day of our session, and enrolling as a client of mine.

You serve and “sell” clients by allowing them to experience your coaching… or to experience the “container” of your coaching.

Learning this lesson was one of the trickiest lessons I’ve ever learned.

My ego so often wanted me to show up, show my value, teach my value, prove my knowledge… and that’s exactly what will snuff out the fire of the coaching moment.